Now that I realize that the MKMMA program is winding down, I am becoming a little melancholy. Having our Sunday webinars and developing the new routines have ben work but the benefits are immeasurable. I will miss this program. I believe the changes will continue, but I will miss the structure that has developed with the guidance of the Mark, Davene and the guides.
Historically I looked for leaps and bounds as a attempted to change my lot in life. Sometimes I had a successful leap but when leaps didn’t continue I would become discouraged at my “failure” and would return to my old self who again would feel bad about myself for not becoming the person I wanted to be. Of course I would expect permanent change in record breaking time, and I assumed my changes would be permanent without any backslide into my old self. As I continue with this journey I become more aware of what actually is required for permanent change and how our brains have been programed for failure. Plus I am trying to be less critical of areas in which more focus would benefit me as I become the person I am striving to be. These changes and learning that change is possible is scary but when the fear and doubt creep back into my mind I try to be gentle with myself and remember that I just need to take one step at a time.
As I traverse the MKMMA experience I have discovered that issues in my personal relationships have developed. I don’t know if this is isolated with just me or if others have also experienced this also. When one person changes, relationships change and often others don’t want or like the change. But should we stop growing so others can maintain the status quo that is acceptable for them? Or should we continue to develop into the person that we can and want to become? I’m not looking for an answer for these questions because every person must assess their own life and there isn’t a one size fits all answer. But we can’t change and remain the same. And changes of one person can and often affects many. Thanks for listening.
Mark addressed his issue of perfectionism in this week’s video and his comments helped me change my concern/issue of perfectionism. Sure I can tell myself all the “right things” to address perfectionism and my self talk has brought some change but actually hearing a successful caring individual state that this was a problem he also dealt with helps me give up and throw away the toxic emotion.
When I graded my assessment test this week, I was disappointed with my score but when I compared it to the fist test, I discovered that I improved by 11 points. Yea!!! But then the perfectionism monster tried to rear his ugly head but I kept my affirmations going to rid him from my life. Then hearing Mark’s comment about his past issue of perfectionism further alleviated my inappropriate disappointment in my score.
I was very skilled at telling my counseling clients that in life we look and work for progress not perfection. It is so much easier to preach this belief than to live it. Mark’s comment help to further chip away my cement buddha and the gold is showing through more all the time. I now have added a new affirmation to my life is: Progress not perfection. Progress not perfection. Progress not perfection.
I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe that everything happens for a reason. We may not understand why something occurred, but given enough time, we usually find out why something unexpected and usually unwanted, happened. But sometimes something happens that prepares us for a future event. An event that we didn’t expect, but an event that we must face.
We are currently reading Scroll II with it’s “I will greet this day with love in my heart.” I was thinking about this scroll primarily in a professional sense, but I now realize that this scroll can be used in every other area of my life. This Scroll is the anchor that I’ve held onto for the past few days and will continue to hold onto for the next few days.
I must attend the funeral of an individual who was the cruelest person ever in my life. As I go into challenging situations I must remember that I will meet everyone with love, and that love will be my shield. I am grateful that I have been reading this scroll for the past few weeks. It is providing me with the love, courage, and protection that may be necessary.
I never, ever, thought working the MKMMA program would assist me with a funeral. But as I said in my opening sentence, I don’t believe in coincidences, so the MKMMA timing was perfect. No matter who or the circumstances that I will be encountering over the next few days, I must remember, and I will remember, that I will greet this day with love in my heart.
When I started on this journey, I didn’t realize the amount of time it would take to complete the requirements. But I realized quite early that the MKMMA program was equivalent to many of the college courses that I have taken. You know, read the syllabus, set up a calendar, stay on track, commit set times to do the required work. Some honor activities and some required activities. Just like a college course. But then……
The rubber hit the road. Now it is time to do the self searching and digging into myself work that is required to continue growing. Ouch! That hurts. I like doing the traditional course work better. It’s much easier. Even if it took a lot more time it still was easier.
The early work wasn’t scary either. Maybe it’s just me but this soul searching, total honesty, and really making me be responsible for my feelings, actions, and thoughts is challenging for me. I have to dig under the outer shell that I portray to others and that is difficult.
But all change is scary and often quite difficult. When I get feeling overwhelmed, I must look at my prior self and then visualize my changing self. And when I do that it helps me work through the uncomfortable emotions, because I know I must go through them to get where I’m going.
This journey is worth the rewards at the end of the program. But really, there isn’t an end to this growing. The MKMMA course will end, but it is only the beginning of my new life.
I, like many other people, have lived a life of quiet desperation for the majority of my adult life. You know the routine: love and care for your family, work hard, pay the bills, take care of aging parents, follow the rules. Always follow the rules. But always following the rules doesn’t always work out for everyone. I am one of those people.
For years I read the books and attended the seminars. I would start out with my new thoughts and try and change my life of quiet desperation but it never seemed to happen for any length of time before reverting back into living the quiet life of desperation….again.
As I aged and moved into the senior category the quiet life of desperation was turning into a mix of fear, depression and resignation that this was how “it” was going to be. Fear because time is shortening, depression because of becoming aware of shortening time, and resignation because how can I get out of this life of quiet desperation when I haven’t been able to for so many years.
But I was referred to Go90Grow and then the MKMMA Experience and finally, finally I found a way to learn how to live a full life. Not just a life full of things to do. But a life that is full and fulfilling. This program is hard work and I have a lot more to learn about personal change. But finally I have a way to learn how to change.
I now fully believe the life of quiet desperation is coming to a close. And for that I am very happy and grateful.